Top 10 things I've learned in Jordan...

I'm not going to name any names in this blog. Protect the innocent and all that. Just let it be known that I'm even more indebted than usual to my wise teachers...

10. If you must drive an SUV for safety and security purposes do make sure it has enough cupholders.

9. While your hosts might talk a good game they are actually never going to take you for a picnic by the side of the highway.

8. If you must change the carpets, upholstery and draperies make sure you do it in that order.

7. Sometimes people change their political stripes and become ultra-right-wing conservatives for no explicable reason and this is very confusing for others who are accustomed to arguing one side convincingly.

6. The Dead Sea is rather painfully salty.

5. Mohammed Ben Khalifa did not win any gold medals for Jordan at the Beijing Olympics but he can probably trim a mean rose bush.

4. Cheaters never prosper...unless you happen to be sitting next to the British Embassy table and then you prosper to the tune of four round-trip airline tickets to London.

3. The British Museum looks suspiciously like the British Maritime Museum in a smokey hotel room at 2am in the morning.

2. If one only has time to learn one Arabic phrase to survive in Jordan make it: 'Wahid skinny cafe latte mafi whipped cream'.

1. If you have a greeting card from the king it's not pretentious to leave it lying conspicuously around the house...(or is it...?)