How to fix dinner in Garsilla – a step by step guide
[If you ever ask yourself why you read this blog – just remember that this is the sort of value-added material that you can get nowhere else!]
1. Start early. Go to the market around noon where you will find hardly any food – there’s no refrigeration so dairy products are out and the nomads have taken the animals away for the rainy season so no meat either.
2. At the market you will find (in alphabetical order): limes, onions, oranges, peanuts, potatoes, and, literally, nothing else.
3. Buy onions.
4. Return home and raid the ‘emergency evacuation’ food in the storeroom. Take out cans of: pineapple, tomatoes, baked beans, mushrooms. Also take a jar of curry paste, some rice and a tin of ‘chicken luncheon meat.’
5. Read the directions on the curry paste that calls for yoghurt and chicken.
6. Vow revenge on the dolt who ordered the ‘emergency’ supplies.
7. Decide powdered milk will work in lieu of yoghurt.
8. Find a can opener. When you realize there isn’t one see step 6 and beg a logistician to open 9 cans with a swiss army knife.
9. Saute onions, adding pineapple, mushrooms and tomatoes, and curry paste.
10. Add ½ liter of powdered milk.
11. Watch milk curdle in sauce.
12. Cover, turn up heat and hope for the best.
13. Make rice.
14. Fry chicken-type-byproduct.
15. Decide ‘chicken luncheon meat’ is so vile that it should be disposed of quickly.
16. Serve sauce with baked beans and rice. Call it ‘curry.’
17. Watch appreciative colleagues wolf it down as if it’s edible.
18. Sit down, swat flies off your own place, and enjoy!
1. Start early. Go to the market around noon where you will find hardly any food – there’s no refrigeration so dairy products are out and the nomads have taken the animals away for the rainy season so no meat either.
2. At the market you will find (in alphabetical order): limes, onions, oranges, peanuts, potatoes, and, literally, nothing else.
3. Buy onions.
4. Return home and raid the ‘emergency evacuation’ food in the storeroom. Take out cans of: pineapple, tomatoes, baked beans, mushrooms. Also take a jar of curry paste, some rice and a tin of ‘chicken luncheon meat.’
5. Read the directions on the curry paste that calls for yoghurt and chicken.
6. Vow revenge on the dolt who ordered the ‘emergency’ supplies.
7. Decide powdered milk will work in lieu of yoghurt.
8. Find a can opener. When you realize there isn’t one see step 6 and beg a logistician to open 9 cans with a swiss army knife.
9. Saute onions, adding pineapple, mushrooms and tomatoes, and curry paste.
10. Add ½ liter of powdered milk.
11. Watch milk curdle in sauce.
12. Cover, turn up heat and hope for the best.
13. Make rice.
14. Fry chicken-type-byproduct.
15. Decide ‘chicken luncheon meat’ is so vile that it should be disposed of quickly.
16. Serve sauce with baked beans and rice. Call it ‘curry.’
17. Watch appreciative colleagues wolf it down as if it’s edible.
18. Sit down, swat flies off your own place, and enjoy!
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Our prayers are with you, God bless you always, Dennis Clough