Saturday, December 01, 2007

I'm not a good singer....

But, neither am I a good person which is why I'll carry on writing this blog. Now, just like anyone who doesn't have kids can tell you how to parent. I can tell you how to sing. No, I take that back. I can't tell you how to sing but I can tell you when someone can't sing. It's more like recognizing one of your own. And there are some people out there who can simply not sing....in key, hasten to add. They seem to do just fine in getting a hold of the microphone and belting it out but they miss the key part.

I'm a little bitter because I just got home from a Sunday School Christmas concert here. There were kids. They were cute. They were singing - and sometimes even in key. But, it also went on for a very, very long time. When we arrived half an hour late, to a room roughly the temperature of an industrial oven, they still hadn't begun and that should have been an indication that this was going to last for awhile.

Looking through the program it appeared that there were four sections each of which contained 1) speeches 2) songs 3) dancing 4) poems. It started looking like a long evening. So we (and by 'we' I mean 'me') started a little pool to guess how long each section was going to last - the loser had to buy us a beer with dinner.

Getting the paper a colleague turned around aghast, "Let me get this straight. You're gambling...for beers...in church!?"

I hadn't thought about it that way so had to consider it for a moment. I couldn't think of any direct commandments that forbade any of the above. "Yeah, pretty much," I shrugged.

The programme started, the off-key singing that was mildly amusing at first became annoying after hour two. When the choir director grabbed the microphone and announced, "and now our children would like to sing, 'Forever.'' All I could hear was the line from 'Sandlot' echoing in my head. 'F-O-R-E-V-E-R.'

I sorta faded in and out after that. There was an impromptu sermon that had something to do with planes crashing. There was something about song where 'angels in the choir' had been translated 'angels in the carrots'...but I wasn't really paying attention. The only thing that could snap me to was off-key singing. And there was plenty of that left.

As we headed into hour three we snuck out so we could never actually say who won the bet which was fine with me given that I hadn't said it would go on for much over 2 1/2 hours.

Now, you probably think I've had my daily fill of off-key singing...but no, I'm always up for more. So, imagine my delight when I discovered that my friend Erin has posted what could possibly be the worst version of 'O Holy Night' ever (evaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar!). I simply had to share it with you. Read, follow her rules, and listen. You'll thank me. www.commadotcomma.net.

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