As anyone close to me can tell you that I am not a morning person. This is nothing interesting. There are a lot of people who aren't morning people. But, when I say that I am not a morning person I mean that I cannot function in the morning. I cannot speak coherently. I cannot pretend that I am in a good mood. I cannot pretend that I like my job, the world, or you. The people I love the most just leave me alone. They don't speak to me; they suppress their own chipperness; they might hand me a cup of coffee. I love those people.
Anyway, this morning was a good example of the extent to which I am not a morning person. It was about 5am. The mullahs were mullah-ing the morning prayers. I hear a crash. I can't tell if it's downstairs or upstairs. Eyes still closed I think foggy thoughts about what it could be. Something falling off a table, the guard slamming the garage door, etc. And then I get that feeling. If you're lucky you've never had that feeling. The feeling that something alive is either standing over you or under the bed, or...as it turned out in this case...hanging from your mosquito net. I open my eyes slowly and there, six inches from my face, is a rat hanging spread-eagle from the outside (thankfully) of my mossy net. I'm staring through my one open eye at his fuzzy white stomach.
There are a number of reactions that any normal person would have at this point - screaming and throwing things comes to mind. However, none of these things pops into my morning brain. I can't even think of what to yell. So, barely lifting my head off the pillow, I manage to choke out, 'go away!'
Shockingly, this seems to do the trick. (I think he was on his way out anyway and just using my mossy net as a ladder to the window). The crash turned out to be the annoying creature knocking over my water bottle and spilling water. Now, I know that I should be disturbed that while I sleep rats are traipsing around my room....but, you know, I haven't had enough coffee yet.